I had a joyful encounter with an
old friend today that made my heart full, and I had an unexplainable release. I
have found myself in a place of odd complacency and distance from God and most everyone
over the last few months. It should have been a time of joyful gratitude and celebration
as new life was gifted to me (literally) on July 18th, 2017 when a faithful
brother sacrificed his own life and wellbeing to give me one of his kidneys.
Coincidently another comrade of mine who I consider like a little brother had
received the same gift of a Kidney Transplant from an anonymous donor just two
months before mine. He must have felt the same way I have lately, and it drove
him off the deep end into some self-inflicted, life-threatening darkness. He
had a GOD encounter at BNA baggage claim with the anonymous donor’s parents,
and that potential miraculous experience is playing out as I type.
(Side Note) I lost a dear brother
(a young veteran) to suicide this past weekend, which prompted a call to
another one that deals with the same deception, only to find out he had tried
to take his life the exact same night. It was a dark story, but thankfully he
is still alive to see God’s plan for his life another day, and I am thankful
for that. So, last night I got on my knees for the 1st time in a long time and
repented for my condition and apathy and simply asked Jesus for peace and freedom.
So those events lead me back to the original intent of this thought.
I have held on to things that I
was never meant to hold and bore burdens that I was not created to bare. I have
sabotaged relationships out of insecurities and life-long fears, and I have
tried to breathe life into desires that were only illusions. As a loner at
heart, an only child, and alone most of my adult life, I have lived from
fantasies I have created in my head. From the time I put my head on the pillow
at night, to the time I fall asleep is 3 or 4 hours as the torrent of
unsolicited thoughts fill my brain. The enemy of our soul will come at the most
unlikely times to distract us from the reality that is the destiny that Christ
summons us too in His Word/Words!
My friend, I saw today mentioned
a chance encounter that had recently transpired where God moved her to go to a
certain place, and a random messenger asked how he could pray for her and gave
her deeper insight to The Holy Spirit. A bell went off in my head when I got
home and started writing this blog that just about all the Gifts of the Spirit
mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23 were absent in my life at that moment. No love,
no joy, no peace, no patience, limited kindness, goodness, gentleness, or faithfulness,
and regretfully inadequate self-control. Proverbs 18:21 “Death and Life are in
the power of the tongue” Well, I am undone, and I am done! As I talked with my
friend and we caught up on some years gone by, I felt the Freedom and Peace I
had prayed for the night before return. I felt laughter, joy and a gentler
spirit return to me after the conversation. I recall God prompting me to reach
out to my dear friend who had struggled with depressive/suicidal thoughts in
the side note above, and I realized that God is never done with us, no matter
how undone we are with ourselves.
Jay
