I am undone, and I am done!

I had a joyful encounter with an old friend today that made my heart full, and I had an unexplainable release. I have found myself in a place of odd complacency and distance from God and most everyone over the last few months. It should have been a time of joyful gratitude and celebration as new life was gifted to me (literally) on July 18th, 2017 when a faithful brother sacrificed his own life and wellbeing to give me one of his kidneys. Coincidently another comrade of mine who I consider like a little brother had received the same gift of a Kidney Transplant from an anonymous donor just two months before mine. He must have felt the same way I have lately, and it drove him off the deep end into some self-inflicted, life-threatening darkness. He had a GOD encounter at BNA baggage claim with the anonymous donor’s parents, and that potential miraculous experience is playing out as I type.

(Side Note) I lost a dear brother (a young veteran) to suicide this past weekend, which prompted a call to another one that deals with the same deception, only to find out he had tried to take his life the exact same night. It was a dark story, but thankfully he is still alive to see God’s plan for his life another day, and I am thankful for that. So, last night I got on my knees for the 1st time in a long time and repented for my condition and apathy and simply asked Jesus for peace and freedom. So those events lead me back to the original intent of this thought.

I have held on to things that I was never meant to hold and bore burdens that I was not created to bare. I have sabotaged relationships out of insecurities and life-long fears, and I have tried to breathe life into desires that were only illusions. As a loner at heart, an only child, and alone most of my adult life, I have lived from fantasies I have created in my head. From the time I put my head on the pillow at night, to the time I fall asleep is 3 or 4 hours as the torrent of unsolicited thoughts fill my brain. The enemy of our soul will come at the most unlikely times to distract us from the reality that is the destiny that Christ summons us too in His Word/Words!

My friend, I saw today mentioned a chance encounter that had recently transpired where God moved her to go to a certain place, and a random messenger asked how he could pray for her and gave her deeper insight to The Holy Spirit. A bell went off in my head when I got home and started writing this blog that just about all the Gifts of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23 were absent in my life at that moment. No love, no joy, no peace, no patience, limited kindness, goodness, gentleness, or faithfulness, and regretfully inadequate self-control. Proverbs 18:21 “Death and Life are in the power of the tongue” Well, I am undone, and I am done! As I talked with my friend and we caught up on some years gone by, I felt the Freedom and Peace I had prayed for the night before return. I felt laughter, joy and a gentler spirit return to me after the conversation. I recall God prompting me to reach out to my dear friend who had struggled with depressive/suicidal thoughts in the side note above, and I realized that God is never done with us, no matter how undone we are with ourselves.

Jay